Fairness? In Negotiation? It Just Doesn’t Exist!
Being fair suggests compromise; that you are OK settling for for less! WTF! Negotiation is fundamentally about reaching an agreement that serves 'your' best interests. If not you're not negotiating.
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Issue No. 73 (12th April 2024).
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Thought of The Week
Fairness? In Negotiation? It Just Doesn’t Exist!
Oxford Dictionary definition - ‘treating someone in a way that is right or reasonable and not allowing personal opinions to influence your judgment.’
You can tell, I don’t believe in fairness.
I used to. I used to believe that if I acted in a fair and reasonable way then my counterpart would do also. The law of reciprocity.
I was wrong.
Fair - free from self-interest, deception, injustice, or favouritism
By being fair and reasonable I had in fact been creating the opposite effect.
They believed I had more to give!
Like a teenager I was arrogant in my lack of knowledge and experience. I was ignorant. I was not consciously competent.
In fact when I sold my recruitment business and pivoted into negotiation consulting with The Gap Partnership all those years ago I started out as a trainer, following their bible of what to say and when. There was a part where I had to say ‘there is no such thing as fairness in negotiation’. Or something like that..
I said it but in truth I didn’t agree with it. I didn’t like it.
But, just like a teenager, when I experienced ‘it’, I understood.
It wasn’t until I started negotiation consulting did I truly understand why. It was a Union negotiation and I remember it well.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. - Confucius
What have I learnt?
Fairness suggests that you and your counterpart are following an agreed set of rules and are free from any form of self-interest or favouritism.
Really? Can you, hand on heart, tell me that you are free from any self or organisational interest? C’mon.. be honest.. I call bullshit!
No, I didn’t think so.
Nor are they.
And, who’s rules are you following?
Theirs, and you will be controlled by their self interest
Yours, and you will control them for your own self interest
Remember Walkawayers: There are No Rules In Negotiation!
Oliver Twist and the famous quote ‘Please sir, can I have some more?’ serves to highlight the absence of fairness in negotiation.
Oliver's request for more food, is denied by the authority figure, Mr. Bumble.
From Oliver's perspective, his request seems reasonable and fair, considering his hunger.
However, Mr. Bumble's response reflects his priority in maintaining control.
Negotiation is fundamentally about reaching an agreement that serves your interests. If not, why are you even negotiating? You might as well just say ‘Yes’.
Remember: Stop thinking of the minimum you need and start thinking of the maximum they could give you!
FACT: Adhering to a sense of fairness will be detrimental to you achieving your goals.
As a negotiator your primary focus is on maximising your outcomes, whether it's securing the best deal or advancing yours or your company’s own interests.
This will involve leveraging power dynamics and exploiting weaknesses.
The fact that we all know ‘negotiators’ who use tactics, who bluff and even misrepresent facts to gain an advantage, should further illustrate the disconnect between your sense of fairness and theirs.
Perceptions of fairness influence the process and outcomes and your sense of fairness will be used to influence your perceptions and behaviours.
Your counterpart will use fairness against you.
Why?
Because it is in their interest, dummy! To manipulate you!
It is one of the most powerful emotional triggers used to change your perceptions and behaviours.
Consider this: When you were not sharing that chocolate bar with your brother or sister when you were a child and you eat it without offering any what did your parents say?
‘Yeah, go on. Tease them too. Eat it in their face!’
Or
‘Be fair, share your chocolate. If you don’t share you will be punished’.
No one likes to feel that they’ve been unfair. It’s hard wired into us from our earliest childhood experiences. It feels bad, naughty and makes us uncomfortable.
It makes us want to move, to make a concession, to make the feeling go-away.
‘That is unfair.’
‘Your company is so arrogant. You’re being unfair.’
‘Your proposal goes against all sense of what is fair and right.’
‘Why would you do that? That’s so unfair. We’ve known each other for so long.’
What is a fair deal?
Is it meeting half-way? Or splitting the difference, maybe?
OMG! Is this what you’ve been told ‘WIN - WIN’ is?
Jeez Louise!
No! C’mon guys.. That is not negotiation. That is called compromise!
Any trained negotiator knows that if you say ‘lets meet in the middle’ or ‘lets split difference’ then they know you can do that number.. so.. they will split the difference from that number, not your original.
There is no place for fairness in negotiation.
Win-Win is not fair. You don’t just cut the deal down the middle and say ‘you take that half and I take the other’.
Being fair is not splitting the difference. It just suggests you are OK reaching a compromise or agreeing halfway between two positions.
What you are saying is that you are OK settling for less than you could have achieved.
Who the hell wants to be mediocre? Surely you want to strive for the best outcome.
Want to know how?
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Never split the difference and remember, there is no such thing as WIN - WIN!
Win-Win just doesn’t exist.
You will win but they will win much, much more. That is the truth of Win-Win!
Unless you are a better, skilled, negotiator and or have more power than them, then they will win but you will win much, much more!
That is the truth of Win-Win.