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Your Weekly Walkaway - Persuasion is NOT Negotiation!
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Newsletter Issue No. 28 (14th April 2023)
What to expect?
Quote of the Week - “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”
In The News This Week - What to do when you’ve opened too extreme?
Thought of the Week - Persuasion is NOT Negotiation!
Remember: You are a negotiator!
You are always managing some form of conflict, a difference of opinion or interest.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”
IN THE NEWS THIS WEEK
What to do when you’ve opened too extreme?
So the News this week has been full of the Junior Doctors Strike and their 35% pay increase demand.
Now I’m not getting involved with the sensitive issue of who is right or wrong, nor with if they should or if they shouldn’t, nor with the differences of RPI and CPI! I’ll leave that to The BMA and The Health Secretary. [Although if the BMA would like some coaching, just get in touch.]
No, the purpose of this “In The News This Week” is to highlight what to do if you find you’ve opened unreasonably, too extreme, and maybe overegged your position.
Firstly lets remind ourselves why we open extreme, with more than we need;
So that we can move, to give them satisfaction;
To use reciprocity. I’ve moved, its your turn;
Oh.. So THAT WE CAN MOVE.. Oh, I’ve said that one..
So, what should you do if you find you’ve opened unreasonably, too extreme, and they’ve not made a counter offer?
MOVE! Make a move, and show willingness. Take the high ground and make a planned move. Now you can turn to them and say, “I’ve moved; I’ve been reasonable..”. Now you leave them with the feeling that they are being unreasonable, not moving.
All this persuasion, argument, and attempt at convincing everyone to agree to 35% will not work! It is doomed to failure! If you've made a proposal, that would suggest you’re now at the negotiation table. Stop persuading and start negotiating!
By not moving from your extreme, you are perceived as stubborn, childish, competitive, arrogant, and entitled!
Move. Give satisfaction and employ the law of reciprocity now before you lose the high ground and the support you have. Move, and you will be perceived as assertive, adult, adaptable, and cooperative.
THOUGHT OF THE WEEK
Persuasion is NOT Negotiation!
Let's be very clear, persuasion and negotiation are two very different things.
They are paradoxical, contradictory, and opposing, but they coexist, complement, and collaborate with each other.
Although both are forms of influencing, you should not ever mistake them for being the same!
Where one ends, the other can begin. Where one begins, the other must end.
They are two different communication techniques used to achieve different outcomes. They are opposite approaches with opposite objectives.
One convinces your counterpart to come to the table. The other reaches agreements.
We use persuasion to inspire people to take action or support our interests;
We use negotiation when conflicting interests need to be resolved.
Once you have persuaded them, convinced them to take action, and come to the table, you can try to persuade them to reach an agreement, but you’ll just weaken your position!
Here is The Paradox!
Now it is not in their interest to agree with you. Even if they did agree with you. Even if their values, their logic or their rational thought all pointed towards agreeing with you.. they just wouldn't.
Why? Because by agreeing with your point of view, they would weaken their own position!
The Yin-Yang is This
Persuasion and negotiation have different success criteria, with different approaches and different techniques. So let's just quickly explore these differences;
Different Success Criteria: The objective of persuasion is to convince the other person to consider your point of view to adopt a particular idea, belief, or behaviour. Success in persuasion is measured when they have been convinced, but no agreement is necessarily required. Nothing needs to be exchanged. In contrast, the objective of negotiation is to reach an agreement or resolve a conflict of interests between two or more parties. Therefore, the success of a negotiation is measured by whether the parties actually reach an agreement. Something will need to be exchanged;
Different Approaches: Persuasion involves presenting. Presenting arguments and evidence to highlight the benefits that support your particular point of view. You know, you’ve all done it. Hours and hours of preparation for ‘that’ presentation! How long do you spend focusing on creating a credible argument to swing ‘their’ beliefs in your favour? We use it to win over an audience that is undecided or neutral. Persuasion often uses ‘a’ tone to appeal to the audience's emotions, values and wants. In contrast, negotiation can be negative in its approach, as it often involves pointing out the flaws and weaknesses in their argument, presentation, and position. Again, it's just not in their interest to agree with your point of view. So negotiation involves exchanging something for something else; offers, demands and concessions to reach an agreement or find common ground.
Different Techniques: Persuasion relies heavily on emotional appeals, storytelling, rhetoric and other persuasive tactics to influence the other party. It often involves one-way communication, where you deliver a message or presentation to them without necessarily listening to their feedback or objections. In stark contrast, negotiation relies on questioning and listening to explore the interests, wants and needs of the other party. Negotiation involves two-way communication, where the parties exchange information, ideas, and proposals and seek to understand each other's perspectives.
Both skills are essential for achieving success in your life, but as you might now be considering, they differ in several important aspects. They are paradoxical, contradictory, and opposing, but they coexist, complement, and collaborate with each other.
Where one ends, the other can now begin… And where one begins, the other must now end! They are perfectly matched but perfectly in contrast. Yin-Yang.
To be persuasive, you need to be;
Convincing: You need to be convincing in your message and use language that is easy to understand. You need to be logical in your reasoning and use evidence to support your argument. You need to be able to argue the benefits and advantages of your desired outcome. This argument should be structured with statistics, research findings and expert opinions. This all helps to build credibility and therefore gives you a better chance of convincing them.
Confident: You need to believe it yourself! You need to demonstrate expertise in your message and delivery. This shows your confidence and helps to build trust and credibility. Who’s gonna be convinced by someone who hasn't even convinced themselves?
Appealing: You must also be able to build rapport and establish a connection that allows you to convey your message effectively. This means appealing to their emotions through humour, storytelling and/or personal anecdotes. You’ll also need to be skilled at tailoring your message to their specific values, beliefs, interests or concerns and adjusting your style to match their preferences.
To negotiate, you need to be;
The Interviewer: You need to be an outstanding questioner and listener. It’s an essential skill in negotiation. The ability to pay close attention to their needs and interests whilst also listening for any tells, inconsistencies, weaknesses, and assumptions to test your understanding. This helps to build trust but also helps to protect you from being exploited.
Assertive: Being assertive is important in negotiation. Not aggressive but confident, clear and, more importantly, direct. You need to be comfortable saying no, when yes is possible. You need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. You need to take charge and establish your position, the agenda, the boundaries and restrictions. With assertiveness, you will find respect, and with respect will come trust and the opportunity for collaboration.
Adaptable: You’ve got to remain adaptable in negotiation. Not only to help you remain open to new ideas, perspectives and solutions but recognise there is no ‘one’ style in negotiation. Negotiation is a complex, multi-layered process that requires the ability to adjust to changing circumstances, different personalities and shifting priorities. To compete or collaborate, that is just one of the questions. Take a tough, firm, cold position and extract as much value as possible from them..? Or work with them to find a mutually beneficial solution..? You need to know when to switch between competitive and collaborative and how to adjust your style and strategy to suit the changing circumstances.
In conclusion, while both persuasion and negotiation are forms of influencing, they are fundamentally different communication techniques used to achieve different outcomes. The objective of persuasion is to convince the other person to consider your point of view, whereas the objective of negotiation is to reach an agreement or resolve a conflict of interests.
Persuasion will get you to the negotiation table but will not agree the deal. Negotiation will agree a deal but cannot get you to the table.
Persuasion involves presenting arguments and evidence to appeal to the emotions, values, and wants of the audience, while negotiation relies on questioning and listening to explore interests, wants, and needs. To be persuasive, one needs to be convincing, confident, and appealing, while to negotiate, one needs to be an outstanding interviewer, assertive, and adaptable.
In persuasion, you look to convince through presenting an argument without giving anything in return. In negotiation, you will only succeed if you give something in return.
So, once you have convinced them to come to the table.. stop persuading them, stop trying to convince them, stop arguing. Start negotiating.
We’d love to read your comments or thoughts. What do you think?
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