Negotiate Like a Pro: Be The Iron Hand in a Velvet Glove
Unlock the Secret to Standing Your Ground, Controlling Tough Tactics, Winning Deals and Building Strong Relationships
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Issue No. 82 (21st June 2024).
Hey there, Walkawayers!
This week, we’re diving into one of my favourite paradoxes in the negotiation universe: being tough on issues but warm on people.
Say what?
Sounds tricky, right?
Well, that’s why it’s called negotiating with an iron hand in a velvet glove.
Put your iron hand in a velvet glove - Napoleon Bonaparte
And no, it's not just an excuse to wear those fancy gloves you’ve been hiding away in that closet, Frank.
But first…
We are giving away eight places, worth over £2000 each, to join a public Level’s 1 to 3, of the 6 Level Master Negotiator Learning Journey. This will include licences to eLearning, 25hrs of consultant led experiential learning and certificate. The promotion is open to the first eight annually paid subscribers who send us a message here to grab their place. This promotion is being run on a first come first served basis, the workshop dates will be provided when the cohort is created. These dates will be fixed and if you are unable to attend your place will be given to the next person available. Good luck..
The Paradox of Negotiation
Let’s start with a little scene-setting. Picture this: You’re in a negotiation, tensions are high.
Stakes? Even higher.
Your job? Navigate through the storm, avoiding all the rocks and ensure your ship can sail again.
Easy peasy, right? Well, only if you’ve got the whole iron-hand-in-velvet-glove thing.
In the world of negotiation and especially in human capital, this approach is not just a nice to have; it’s essential.
Simply put it means you stand your ground on the issues that matter while maintaining relationships that are crucial to long-term success.
Sound familiar?
You need to be tough on the problem but not on the person.
Why It Matters
Negotiating within human capital is all about people.
Shocking, I know. Whether you're dealing with recruitment, consulting or team dynamics, wherever a human negotiates with a human for a human the human element is always at the forefront.
But here’s the kicker Walkawayers; people are more likely to cooperate and find mutually beneficial solutions if they feel respected and valued. That’s where the velvet glove comes in.
Shocked.. Of course not, you shouldn't be but you’d be surprised how many get this simple rule so wrong.
Most of the time we are coaching people who have been soft on an issue and soft on the person and wonder why they are being exploited or why the negotiation is going in the wrong direction.
The Iron Hand: Standing Your Ground
First things first, let’s talk about the iron hand. This is the part where you need to be firm and assertive. I like to think of our Lighthouse and how firm it needs to stand against the raging storm. Here’s what you need to master your iron hand:
1. Know Your Worth
Before you walk into any negotiation, make sure you know your worth. Do your homework and have a clear idea of what you bring to the table. Confidence is key.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial. It’s about knowing what you need to achieve whilst also knowing what you are unable to move on, your walkaways. This requires a bit of extra planning and you’ll need to be prepared to articulate your boundaries clearly and precisely so there is no confusion.
3. Be Assertive, Not Aggressive
There’s a fine line between assertiveness and aggression. Being assertive means standing up for your interests while still respecting others. It’s about clarity and firmness. Aggression, on the other hand, often comes from a place of insecurity and can damage relationships. So, channel your inner iron (wo)man without turning into a raging gorilla in the proverbial china shop.
The Velvet Glove: Empathy and Respect
Now, let’s slip on that velvet glove. Ooh it feels good..
Let me be very clear; this does not give you the opportunity to go all soft and floppy, to hug that pillow and hope for the best. Remember you need to be tough on the issues.. You can not do that if you’ve gone all soft now can you?
This is where the magic happens. Being the velvet glove is more about being empathetic and respectful, it can make all the difference in a negotiation. Here’s how to master the velvet glove:
1. Listen Actively
Active listening is a superpower in negotiations. We have written about it often. It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions and motivations behind them. When you show genuine interest in what the other person is saying, it builds trust and rapport. And trust me, people are more likely to work with you if they feel heard.
2. Show Empathy
Empathy is your secret weapon. Climb to the top of your lighthouse and look down on the situation from a different point of view. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their perspective and acknowledge their feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but showing that you understand can warm up even the toughest negotiations.
3. Communicate Clearly and Warmth
Clear communication is essential, but so is warmth. Be straightforward about your needs and expectations, but do it with a touch of open warmth. Avoid the blame game and focus on finding solutions. Remember, negotiation is not about winning; it’s about finding solutions and reaching agreements.
Putting It All Together, In A Perfect World
Alright, let’s tie this all up in a neat little bow. The iron hand and velvet glove approach is about balance. It’s about being firm on the issues that matter while being warm and respectful towards the people involved. Here’s a quick checklist to keep you on track:
Prepare Thoroughly: Know your worth and understand your boundaries..
Be Assertive: Stand your ground without being aggressive. Communicate your needs clearly.
Listen Actively: Show genuine interest in the other person’s perspective.
Show Empathy: Acknowledge emotions and demonstrate understanding.
Communicate warmly: Be clear and straightforward, but always with a touch of warmth.
What to Do When Their Gloves Come Off?
Now, let’s address the elephant seal on the rock. What happens when your counterpart is not just tough on the issue but also tough on you? Or worse, when they’re trying to exploit you or impose their will? This is where your negotiation skills are truly tested.