Listening With Intent - The Weekly Walkaway's 100th Edition!
Listening is a muscle—and most of us don’t flex it enough.
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Issue No. 100 (10th Jan 2025)
Happy New Year Weekly Walkawayer’s ! 🥳
I’ve just spotted this is our 100th Edition, how time flies when you’re having fun! thanks for sticking with us, lots more of juicy content to come over the year.
This week, we’re talking about ‘listening’ never a sexy topic, but wouldn’t the world be a better place if we did more of it?
Listening With Intent
OK OK, I admit it, I'm a talker. I fill silences, I talk over people when I’m excited, I spend my time thinking about the answer in my head rather than listening to what they have to say, and more often than not I’m just nodding my head, tapping my metaphorical fingers on the table, whilst I ‘patiently’ just wait for the other person to just stop talking so i could get ‘MY’ point across…
Familiar at all?
Listening isn’t a soft skill; it’s a superpower. Yet most of us are bad at it.
Think about it: how often are you truly present in a conversation? If you’re like most people, you’re probably more focused on crafting your response than understanding what’s being said or worse yet, multi-tasking whilst on your Zoom call.
We all know someone who seems to listen but isn’t really there. The nodding, the eye contact, the occasional “uh-huh”—it’s all an act.
But here’s the thing:
Listening isn’t about looking engaged; it’s about being engaged. It’s about understanding, not just hearing.
I’ll admit it—I used to be terrible at listening (and sometimes I still am!).
I’d fill silences, interrupt when excited, and nod along while mentally preparing my next point.
I remember a boss years ago, telling me in my personal development review to ‘stop talking and start listening’ - it really stuck with me.
To be fair, it wasn’t that I lacked valuable contributions; it was simply that I was missing the full picture that others had to share.
When I finally took that advice to heart, everything changed. Listening isn’t about hearing the words; it’s about understanding them. And that understanding can transform relationships, resolve conflicts, and ultimately make you a better negotiator.
Listening is a muscle—and most of us don’t flex it enough.
‘Listening with intent’ is hard. Make no mistake.
Before I trained as an executive coach, my listening skills were embarrassingly underdeveloped, but conversely my questioning skills were on steroids. It’s funny, but somewhat embarrassing, seeing this with hindsight.
It was through this experience however, that showed me how rare ‘listening with intent’ is for us all — BUT equally, how transformative it can be when you get it right.
Stay Curious.
With coaching, you need to be curious, but you are not there to solve the problems for your clients (this i find harder than anything!) you are there to help raise their awareness, and help guide them through the process with appropriate questions, paying careful attention to their verbal and non-verbal responses so that you can shape your next set of questions, so that they can solve their own problems.
And when it is done right it’s game-changing.
It builds trust, uncovers ‘aha moments’ and those hidden motivations, leading to better outcomes in both personal and professional contexts.
But why does listening matter in negotiation?
Well its the same as coaching right? You need to listen with intent. You need to be consciously competent of this fact…
As a negotiator, you need to be curious.
Information is Power.
Listening helps you move past surface-level positions to understand what truly matters.
For example, a client pushing for a lower price might actually be worried about cash flow timing. By listening, you can propose a flexible payment plan that satisfies both sides.
Build Trust and Rapport: Negotiation isn’t just about terms; it’s about relationships.
People are more cooperative when they feel understood. Being heard fosters collaboration and openness.
Spot Opportunities Others Miss: Subtle cues like hesitation or a shift in tone often reveal unspoken priorities.
A candidate mentioning “flexibility” during a job offer negotiation might actually need predictable hours, not remote work.
De-escalate Conflict: Feeling heard reduces defensiveness and shifts focus to problem-solving.
This can be the difference between an impasse and a breakthrough.
How to develop that muscle?
Build Awareness
Embrace Silence: Pausing after someone speaks allows you to process their words and gives them space to elaborate. Though uncomfortable, silence often leads to deeper insights.
In negotiation: A well-timed pause might reveal concerns that give you leverage.
Stay Present: Your brain processes words faster than people can speak, leaving room for distractions.
Active listening techniques like paraphrasing (“So, what I’m hearing is…”) keep you focused.
Deepen Understanding
Read Between the Lines: Body language, tone, and expressions often communicate more than words. A defensive tone or averted gaze can signal deeper concerns.
In negotiation: Picking up on these cues helps you adjust your approach.
Stay Curious: Open-ended questions like “What’s important to you about this?” uncover motivations and build trust.
Challenge Yourself
Challenge Assumptions: Cognitive biases can block understanding. Listen to learn, not to confirm preconceptions.
In negotiation: Let their words guide your strategy instead of relying on guesses.
Show You Care: Simple actions like eye contact, nodding, and mirroring tone demonstrate engagement and foster trust.
Listening with intent isn’t flashy, but it is powerful.
It builds trust, uncovers hidden opportunities, and creates solutions others miss.
The next time you’re in a negotiation, Pause. Listen. Understand.
Because the best negotiators aren’t the ones who dominate the conversation—they’re the ones who listen. That’s how deals are made, relationships strengthened, and opportunities won.
Over n Out.
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