Being Consciously Competent is not just a phase, its a state of mind.
Why you need to aware of yourself and others as a negotiator and why being 'unconsciously competent', just wont cut it out there...
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Issue No. 89 (4th October 2024).
Introduction
Happy Friday Weekly Walkawayers!
Last week we wrote about the importance of ‘Mindset’ in negotiation. This week we wanted to dive into ‘Conscious Competence’, which forms part an appropriate mindset an effective negotiator must have.
The four stages of competence framework shows us how we all must move from being unaware of what we don't know to mastering our craft. There are four stages:
unconscious incompetence,
conscious incompetence,
conscious competence,
and unconscious competence.
Typically when we are mastering a new skills, we are progressively moving towards ‘Unconscious Competence’ - We are doing the new skill with purpose and instinctively. Think driving a car, or riding a bike…
In negotiation though, it is essential that you remain self aware and ‘consciously competent’.
This means being self-aware and in control of your plan, your process and your emotions.
This also requires you to be aware of ‘them’. Verbally or non verbally. A bit like our friend Sherlock Holmes.
Just think of the last negotiation you were in. It’s about more than numbers isn’t it —you need to read the room, manage emotions, and come up with creative solutions. And success often boils down to self-awareness. That's why conscious competence in your mindset is so important…
Conscious competence is where you start to truly understand what you’re doing and why. You’re not just good at it—you know how you got there.
From our experience, this level of awareness sets those people apart from those who improvise and negotiate on instinct versus those who consistently navigate better negotiated outcomes.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS
All must pass through ‘conscious incompetence’ first where you realise your own limitations. This can be uncomfortable but crucial nonetheless. It’s the point where you must push yourself to learn, refine your strategies, and practice until you get better. (Ask any of our past delegates who will happily tell you this).
if you don’t have this awareness, you will naturally fall into unconscious ‘habits’ that make you feel good, as dictated by your own social conditioning, as opposed to acting in the most appropriate way for the situation you find yourself in, which may well cause you a bit of cognitive dissonance, hence why negotiations can feel a tad uncomfortable.
🚨 The Risks of Unconscious Competence
Unconscious competence is when a skill is so ingrained that it’s automatic. It sounds great, but it can be risky. Why? Complacency 😴.
If you are relying purely on habit, instinct, it immediately makes you more vulnerable to surprises or and indeed being exploited by the other party.
Being consciously competent can mean;
Knowing when you are Selling vs. Negotiating
knowing when to shift from selling to negotiating. Selling is about persuasion, while negotiating is about making an agreement. And as we’ve said on a few occasions now, we find that many still don’t know the difference, and when they do it’s easy to fall back into old habits unless they are consciously competent.
Just remember that once someone is interested, continuing to push can hurt your credibility. Instead, it’s time to shift gears, stop selling, and start negotiating.
You’ve already convinced the buyer of your service’s value. If you keep pushing the benefits, you will come across as desperate. A consciously competent negotiator knows when to focus on the terms instead, holding their ground confidently.
Being aware of your emotional regulation
Conscious competence also means regulating your emotions. Imagine being in a negotiation, faced with an aggressive stance. Your natural response might be stress—heart pounding, tension rising. But a consciously competent negotiator pauses, takes a breath, and recalibrates.
Most people don’t even realise how their emotions are affecting their performance. With practice, you learn to stay calm under pressure—until it becomes second nature.
For example, if your client looks uneasy, a consciously competent negotiator would notice and adapt. A simple question like, "You seem hesitant—what’s on your mind?" can defuse tension and move the conversation forward.
Knowing the difference between being aggressive or assertive when you negotiate
Assertiveness means standing up for your interests clearly and respectfully. Aggression is about pushing your agenda at any cost, This is about consciously choosing your words and actions that fits the situation you are in. You must know when to adapt your negotiation style:
You must remain conscious about your words and actions to ensure you get what you need. And equally you must be conscious about what your counterpart is doing to you. Remember the ‘Angry Gorilla’ tactic!
Being aware of your ‘Flinch’, and theirs
The “flinch” is a deliberate reaction that signals surprise or displeasure. It’s about making the other side think twice. Are you consciously flinching at their offer? Are you consciously aware that they flinching at yours? And what does it mean?
A well-timed flinch can make your counterpart question their stance without you saying a word.
Being able to spot when your counterpart flinches helps you stay confident in your position, it helps you ‘notice’ whether you’ve reached their walkaway when you open extreme. The more you practise this, the more instinctive it becomes.
🐒 Managing your Inner Chimp
Negotiation is stressful - it’s a form of conflict, after all. This stress activates the "inner chimp," that emotional, impulsive part of our brain. Professor Steve Peters writes about the Chimp Paradox and how by understanding our inner chimp, we will better manage these situations when they arise. When the chimp takes over the computer, we lose our cool and our logic, we call her ‘Lucy’.
In unconscious incompetence, people don’t realise the chimp is in control. When stress hits, the chimp floods your body with adrenaline. A skilled negotiator sees this happening, takes control, and stays composed.
Remaining calm and collected, even when provoked, is key. Instead of reacting immediately, take a moment, breathe, and think before you respond.
If you do not stay ‘conscious’ and ever aware of this, ‘Lucy’ will take over the computer (brain) and you wont even notice!
👀 Observing Non-Verbal Cues
Conscious competence means reading non-verbal cues, as well as the obvious verbal clues. Observing someone’s 👁️ eyes, 💪 body language, and 🎤 voice can tell you a lot about what they’re feeling—even if they don’t say it outright.
Eye movements can reveal a lot. 👀 Dilated pupils show interest, rapid movements suggest stress. Body language like clenched fists or tapping feet indicates tension. Changes in tone or pitch of voice also offer clues. The more you observe these micro expressions, the better you become at reading the room…
Practise and Preparation: The Foundation of Competence
Simply put, don’t leave things to chance. Conscious competence is all about building on rigorous practise and preparation—knowing your facts, understanding the competition, and rehearsing scenarios. Preparation helps you understand what’s at stake, where there’s room for compromise, and what’s non-negotiable.
In unconscious incompetence, people tend to underestimate the importance of practice and preparation. As they move forward, they learn its value.
Conscious competence is about being thoroughly prepared and constantly aware of yourself and your counterpart.
And it is why being ‘unconsciously competent’ is rarely, if ever the best state to be in when you are negotiating. Theres quite often too much at stake.
Thats all for this week folks
Good luck out there!
Over n Out
