Cognitive Dissonance: A Closer Look
The hidden inner struggle that impacts your Negotiation effectiveness—and how to manage It.
The Weekly Walkaway highlights negotiation in its ‘good’, ‘bad’ and sometimes ‘downright ugly’ forms. Issue No. 90 (11th October 2024).
Cognitive Dissonance: A Closer Look
I met an old friend for coffee this morning. He spoke about how uncomfortable he felt at work due to some dubious policy decisions being made by his senior management team that were causing him a fair bit of stress because his values and beliefs were not aligned with the direction at work. A difficult time for him.
This ‘inner conflict’ can be explained through the term 'cognitive dissonance.' A powerful force that shapes all of our lives.
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term that describes the discomfort we feel when our actions, beliefs, or attitudes don't align. It was first introduced by the social psychologist Leon Festinger in his 1957 book, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance.
Our values, beliefs, and attitudes often originate from a combination of factors including our upbringing, cultural background, personal experiences, and social influences. These factors shape how we perceive the world and influence our decision-making processes. When new information or situations challenge these deeply held beliefs, cognitive dissonance arises as we try to reconcile the conflict.
We feel it in our daily lives. For instance, something as mundane as eating that extra slice of cake—you know it’s not the best choice, but you do it anyway because it’s easy or enjoyable. It also appears when you hold a belief (like a political belief) but avoid sharing it for fear of going against others.
I’m embarrassed to say, I remember feeling it in a particularly odd way years ago, when my son at pre-school decided he wanted to paint his toenails like mum did and I ‘felt uncomfortable’, until I recognised this misguided belief that ‘only girls paint their toenails’ for what it was… absolute nonsense!
And as always self-awareness is the first step in overcoming these moments.
What Does It Feel Like?
Experiencing cognitive dissonance can feel a bit like a mental tug-of-war. And can manifest itself in a number of different ways, such as;
Internal conflict: Feeling torn between opposing beliefs.
Anxiety or stress: Experiencing unease or tension.
Rationalisation: Justifying behaviours to reduce discomfort.
Avoidance: Steering clear of situations that challenge existing beliefs.
In essence, cognitive dissonance is a mental discomfort that arises when our thoughts and actions don't match up. Understanding cognitive dissonance helps us better understand our behaviours, especially in negotiations.
Cognitive Dissonance in Negotiation
Asking for more or saying 'No' can feel incredibly uncomfortable. You have a desired outcome, but you also have to consider the other party's needs and interests, which often leads to hesitation. You might want a higher cost price increase, but fear that pushing too hard could damage the relationship or even lead to rejection. This discomfort can create a reluctance to negotiate, making it easier to settle for less rather than face the unease of asserting yourself. For example, Recruitment Process Outsourcing (RPO) providers may experience this when trying to balance the need to meet strict performance metrics with the desire to provide a positive candidate experience. This discomfort may even trigger your stress response:
Fight: Trying to overcome the discomfort by becoming overly assertive, possibly pushing too hard to regain a sense of control.
Flight: Choosing to avoid the discomfort by backing down or settling for less to avoid confrontation.
Freeze: Becoming indecisive or immobilised, unable to make decisions due to the conflicting desires and the fear of negative outcomes.
Recognising whether you're in 'fight, flight, or freeze' mode can be the key to regaining control in a negotiation and while both cognitive dissonance and the fight, flight, freeze response involve discomfort, they are different in nature…
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort resulting from holding conflicting beliefs or actions, while the fight, flight, freeze response is a physiological reaction to perceived threats.
In negotiations, cognitive dissonance might create internal conflict about what action to take, whereas the fight, flight, freeze response is more of an instinctive reaction that can impact your ability to negotiate effectively.
Understanding this connection helps explain why negotiation feels so challenging and highlights the importance of practice so you are able to learn how to navigate both the emotional discomfort of dissonance and the physiological stress responses constructively.
How Your Counterpart Might Use your Cognitive Dissonance Against You
When you're experiencing cognitive dissonance during negotiations, a skilled counterpart might recognise this and try to exploit it. They may amplify your dissonance by emphasising conflicting aspects of your position, making you feel more uncertain and uncomfortable. For example, they might highlight that you want to maintain a good relationship while also pushing for a higher price, implying that your demands are contradictory. This can lead to you making concessions simply to alleviate the discomfort.
They might also create an artificial sense of urgency, highlighting dire consequences if you don't agree quickly. Imagine you're negotiating a contract renewal, and the other party insists that if you don't sign within the next 24 hours, you'll miss out on a crucial opportunity. This tactic increases stress, pushing you into decisions that might benefit them more than you.
Additionally, instead of offering a manageable number of alternatives, they could overwhelm you with too many options. For instance, if you're discussing pricing structures, they might present you with ten different packages, each with slightly different conditions. This can heighten your cognitive dissonance, making you more likely to choose the path that seems easiest rather than the one that's most beneficial.
All of these are tactics designed to put you off balance with the purpose of exploiting you. So being aware of them and how they affect you is crucial. For instance, a skilled negotiator might emphasise how your desire for a quick resolution conflicts with getting the best deal, making you feel pressured to compromise. It can help you recognise when these tactics are being used against you, allowing you to remain calm and focused, and avoid making decisions driven by discomfort rather than logic.
To counter and cope with cognitive dissonance, it's important to learn to take a step back and recognise when you're feeling overwhelmed or pressured. For instance, if you sense an artificial urgency, remind yourself that most genuine opportunities will allow reasonable time for consideration. Allow yourself to respond rather than react.
Reframing the situation can also help; instead of viewing the discomfort as something to avoid, see it as a sign that critical thinking is required. If you feel pushed into making a decision due to discomfort, take a moment to ask yourself why. Take time to gather more information, and don't be afraid to ask for a break if you need to process the options presented.
Establishing your priorities in advance can also make it easier to stay focused on what's most important to you, rather than getting caught up in the pressure tactics used by the other party. For example, if your priority is to ensure a fair agreement rather than a fast one, reminding yourself of this can help counteract the sense of urgency being forced on you. By staying aware and composed, you can reduce the impact of cognitive dissonance and make decisions that align with your goals.
At the end of the day…
It’s OK!
Cognitive dissonance is a natural part of the negotiation process. Yes it affects us all, but how you develop strategies to manage it, will help you improve your negotiation skills immeasurably.
Reflect on how this applies to your own experiences, you may be surprised with what you discover.
Remember, it's not about eliminating cognitive dissonance entirely, but about learning to navigate it effectively—turning potential discomfort into opportunity (and dare I say it growth).
The next time you're feeling uneasy during a negotiation, take a moment to reflect on why—and use that awareness to make a more informed choice.
Thats all for this week folks
Good luck out there!
Over n Out
You can learn a bit more about your fight flight freeze response below;
